Today has been a busy day at work, and I feel completely overwhelmed. It took me three weeks to barely complete a requirement, which is really absurd. I'm not sure if the requirement itself was difficult or if my work efficiency has decreased, but working here really makes me uncomfortable: cramped workspace, almost no offline communication, and every day feels like remote work. Honestly, most of my working hours are quite relaxed, yet I still feel exhausted.
I want to leave. However, in the short term, I can't. I really want to just walk away, but people are always constrained by various real-life factors, leaving me with no choice.
I remember when I saw various company executives at the end of interviews, all I saw were faces filled with exhaustion. Have they dedicated all their time to the company? I find it sad; working so hard, almost dedicating their lives to the company— is it really worth it?
I've been contemplating the meaning of work for me. For me now, work is merely for survival, not for realizing personal value. I think personal value can be achieved in ways other than work. A day has 24 hours, and work takes up 8 hours; after subtracting 8 hours of sleep, I only have 8 hours left for myself—this is truly terrifying.
After graduating from school, many people follow the routine of finding a job, as if obeying some directive. I have always felt confused because no one tells you what work is for. Society needs you to work, and the government has implemented a series of policies that coerce you into working: without a job, you can't enjoy social security or health insurance; in many places, you can't even open a savings account or apply for a visa to go abroad without a job, limiting your life and making you anxious about your future; your family needs you to work; you have a family to support, along with mortgages, car loans, and various external constraints that prevent you from escaping. In short, many people are in a state of having to work, which dulls their spirit, yet the tragedy of workers in the city is always the same: when the holidays come, wanting to relax somewhere else, tourist spots are always crowded, and the endless queues can be more exhausting than work. Everyone shares the same thoughts, and everyone is tense in spirit.
Living in Chinese society always gives a sense of tightness. In recent years, the term "relaxation" has become popular, along with many jokes pretending to embody "relaxation," but ultimately, our society is too tense. Some say that Chinese people don't know how to rest; many work until they grow old. I think it's because society doesn't encourage people to rest. In a country where even the two-day weekend system hasn't been fully implemented and where having gaps in your resume can lead to discrimination by companies, how easy is it to take a break? I'm not sure if it's only Chinese people like this; when I traveled to Thailand, although the economy wasn't great, I didn't see frowns on the faces of the residents, and various passersby would greet me, a foreigner—this is quite rare here.
Can I do something outside of work? Right now, I can only rely on work to support myself, and I don't know what else I can do to make money. There's a saying: "A monthly salary is a kind of poison." Nowadays, it's popular to take civil service exams, probably for that fixed monthly salary's "stability." However, this stable poison can drain one's motivation to move forward, and I gradually lost my fighting spirit while receiving my monthly salary. I started to realize this and tried to cultivate interests and hobbies outside of work, like writing, but the results have been minimal, and for now, it's just a way to console myself.
Gong Zizhen wrote in his poetry: "I urge the heavens to shake off their slumber, and not to restrict talent to a single mold." I wish it were the other way around; is there anyone who can recognize my talent and pull me out of this quagmire, joining hands to create something beneficial for humanity?
Haha, it's just the fantasy of a worker after experiencing the illusion of labor.