Tremors#
It probably started in the second half of last year; when I open my hands, my fingers tremble inexplicably, completely out of muscle control. A friend suggested I check my thyroid, and since my health report showed I have thyroid nodules and I've recently felt more emotionally unstable than before, I was quite worried, so I went to the hospital again this weekend.
Fortunately, my thyroid is normal, but this only added to my confusion—I still don't understand the reasons behind my emotional instability, irritability, and hand tremors.
Medically, there are three directions regarding the causes of hand tremors: one is hyperthyroidism caused by thyroid factors; another is Parkinson's disease; and the third is functional tremor.
The thyroid factor has been ruled out, and I estimate that Parkinson's disease is also unlikely. My hand tremors are not severe enough to be uncontrollable, and this disease is quite rare in young people. The only possibility left is functional tremor, which is related to the nerves and, more directly, is a manifestation of depression.
I am reluctant to believe that I could have depression; I have always felt that this condition is quite distant from me. I consider myself optimistic, sunny, and generally in a good mindset most of the time, but could I really be plagued by depression? I even wonder if it's because I'm not strong enough that these inexplicable emotions are dragging me down.
With psychological issues unresolved, physical problems follow closely behind.
Quadruple Therapy#
After having my last wisdom tooth removed, I started taking medication to treat Helicobacter pylori, using a quadruple therapy regimen that requires taking four types of medication daily: two gastrointestinal drugs and two antibiotics, for a duration of fourteen days. Previously, I had heard from others that the side effects are significant. According to that person, the entire treatment feels like going through a tribulation, extremely torturous. On the first day of taking the medication, I already felt considerable effects—my stomach felt an indescribable discomfort all morning, my intestines ached as if they were cramping, accompanied by mild nausea.
The power of quadruple therapy is substantial because its treatment process is similar to chemotherapy, indiscriminately killing all bacteria in the intestines, including probiotics. Therefore, many people cannot endure it, and the doctor also advised me to persist and not stop the medication midway, or it would be ineffective. I do hope I can stick with it; alas, there are just too many things in life that require perseverance.
Standing at Thirty#
This year I am 26 years old, soon to celebrate my 27th birthday, and the ominous number—30—is fast approaching. Confucius said that one should stand firm at thirty, but as I get closer to this age, I can't help but doubt whether I can truly stand firm.
There are too many things that leave me feeling lost. Life is like a fog, and I have yet to find my direction, yet I am soon to take on the responsibilities of establishing a family and a career. When I look at my body, I find it is in disarray; there’s discomfort here and problems there. During this period, I have been running to the hospital every weekend, accumulating test results, yet still not finding all the answers. The body is the temple of the soul, carrying all of a person's joys and sorrows. This body has accompanied me for nearly 30 years without complaint, but now it is starting to signal fatigue.
At thirty, I think the first thing one should face is their own body; only by repairing this temple can one stand firm in the fog of life and set off anew.