I don't know if it's because of the late nights I had before, but my already worn-out body is protesting. I've fallen back into a state of confusion, feeling chaotic, lacking focus in everything I do, with anxiety and frustration filling each day's diary. The only things that entertain me are short videos and alcohol.
It's been a while since I updated my blog; there's an article that was stillborn because it was too difficult to write, and I had to put my pen down. My perfectionism has resurfaced; if I can't write well, then I won't write at all. This defeatist mentality has enveloped me. I know this isn't right and tell myself to overcome it, but it's a struggle.
I find myself falling into this confusion every so often. I feel like I'm doing nothing, yet I don't know what to do, drifting through each day in a haze, with tasks right in front of me, yet unwilling to take action. The clock ticks away quickly; with each blink, a day passes, and I don't even know what I've done.
A few days ago, I fell seriously ill, with a high fever close to 40 degrees Celsius for several nights, and I had to go to the emergency room several times, which was quite torturous. Fortunately, Lena was there to take care of me, and I'm very grateful to her.
I tried meditating for a bit. After some time, I just felt sleepy. If it helps with sleep, that's not too bad.